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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498677">Await Ashore</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SundayZenith/pseuds/SundayZenith'>SundayZenith</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alphabet Shuffle [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, But he's trying, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Castiel is Saved from the Empty (Supernatural), Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Hopeful Ending, M/M, carry on never happened, implied at least - Freeform, this got longer than I planned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:41:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SundayZenith/pseuds/SundayZenith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"For now, Dean’s just gonna shelve all the introspective bullshit and self-deprecating thoughts bubbling below the surface, and he’s gonna tear apart Cas’s carefully made room so see if the guy, in all the times he wasn’t ditching them and actually stayed in the bunker, dropped a corporeal feather or two — something that holds his Grace, that’s tangibly Castiel, that they can use in their slightly unorthodox, heavily improvised Empty Jailbreak spell (there isn’t an actual Get Outta Empty Free spell in any of the lore books that Dean, along with Sam, Eileen, and even the Wayward Sisters had spent the last week pouring over, but fuck it, if the combined efforts of a newly born Nephilim and an Angel bringing his Let’s Annoy The Cosmic Entity A-game can get Cas out of the Empty before, then the combined efforts of several different stubborn hunters, a newly throned God, a very sympathetic Queen of hell, and Winchester bullheadedness can do the same).</p>
<p>(Dean likes to think that Cas would appreciate the fact that they’re making it up as they go along)."</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>A -- "Annabel Raises the Dead" from Paul Shapera's Dolls of New Albion</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jack Kline &amp; Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Alphabet Shuffle [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087556</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Await Ashore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>“Be an angel, be with me<br/>Be an angel, be<br/>Please come back so we can have a life at last<br/>Please come back, I grab at heavens throat<br/>Please come back, I beckon, beg and cry and laugh<br/>Come to me, I’m summoning the ghost</p>
<p>Please come back from bowels of black<br/>From silent shores to me once more<br/>Through veils and gates and seas of slate<br/>To blood wet moors where I await ashore”<br/>-Annabel Raises the Dead from Paul Shapera's Dolls of New Albion<br/>--<br/>Lowkey a companion piece to my other SPN fic, "Coincide," but I'm pretty sure you don't need to read one to get the other.<br/>--<br/>I've set a mini-writing challenge for myself: Set my playlist on shuffle, go down the alphabet and take the first song that has the letter I'm on at the start of the title, and writing something based on it. I'm not sticking to a specific fandom, not sticking to a specific writing schedule, just seeing where this little project takes me and how long(/if) it takes me to complete it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas’s room wasn’t empty, necessarily, and that was almost worse somehow. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bed was neatly made and probably never even slept in, but there was an excessive amount of pillows and even a stuffed bee Claire had sent Cas one Christmas — Dean could imagine Cas, with his deadpan overly serious face, making a nest out of the pillows for nights when Sam let the Angel borrow his laptop for solo Netflix binges. The closet was empty, but the dresser had t-shirts and jeans that Sam and Dean had gifted Cas. The bookshelf had papers and books piled on it, so overly orderly that at a glance it looked like the books were part of the shelf itself, but Dean could barely see any dust on them and the variety of books was so wide it was almost comical — everything from lore books to ancient novels like “Pride and Prejudice” to, of all things, Stephen King and John Green (Dean was pretty sure he saw the name Carver Edlund on a couple of the spines, but looked away before he gave into the impulse to grab and burn them himself). There were photos on the desk and even a phone charger still plugged into the wall.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The entire room screamed “Hey, Someone Lived Here!” but there was a staleness to the air. The entire room felt abandoned. Dead, almost.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean took the thought and shoved it way the hell back in his mind. He’s not gonna think about Cas as a dead thing while rooting through the guy’s few personal belongings. He’s just here to find something, and then he’s jumping in the Impala with Sam and Jack and driving until they reach Pontiac, Illinois.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They saved the world, dethroned friggin God, and set almost everything back in order. Now, they’re getting Cas back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If the feathered son of a bitch thinks he can drop a bomb like “I love you” before dropping dead without even having the decency to leave behind a body to burn (not that Dean ever wanted to look at Cas’s corpse again. Having to cart the Angel’s lifeless body away from the scorched wings on the ground around him, actually wrap him up, and hold a funeral did not make that death any easier than any of Cas’s other ones), and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> expect Dean Winchester to drag the dumbass back kicking and screaming, he’s got another thing coming.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cas may think Dean changed him, but he’s apparently failed to consider all the ways the Angel changed Dean back. Because maybe, just maybe, if Castiel, easily one of the best Angels in and out of Heaven, thinks Dean Winchester, Alistair’s star pupil in Hell, is one of the most loving humans to walk the earth, then maybe Dean is better than he lets himself think (or maybe he isn’t, a nagging voice in Dean’s head says. Maybe it’s because of how much he loves that he’s a rotting thing masquerading as a human. Everyone Dean loves has been hurt, after all. Love isn’t the grand, happy thing Cas thinks it is).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>(Dean tells the voice to go choke. If Cas thinks </span>
  <em>
    <span>loving</span>
  </em>
  <span> and</span>
  <em>
    <span> caring</span>
  </em>
  <span> are worth living and dying for, then Dean’s gonna take his word for it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>After</span>
  </em>
  <span> smacking the guy in the back of the head and telling him to nix the </span>
  <em>
    <span>dying</span>
  </em>
  <span> part).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For now, Dean’s just gonna shelve all the introspective bullshit and self-deprecating thoughts bubbling below the surface, and he’s gonna tear apart Cas’s carefully made room so see if the guy, in all the times he wasn’t ditching them and actually</span>
  <em>
    <span> stayed</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the bunker, dropped a corporeal feather or two — something that holds his Grace, that’s tangibly Castiel, that they can use in their slightly unorthodox, heavily improvised Empty Jailbreak spell (there isn’t an actual Get Outta Empty Free spell in any of the lore books that Dean, along with Sam, Eileen, and even the Wayward Sisters had spent the last week pouring over, but fuck it, if the combined efforts of a newly born Nephilim and an Angel bringing his Let’s Annoy The Cosmic Entity A-game can get Cas out of the Empty before, then the combined efforts of several different stubborn hunters, a newly throned God, a very sympathetic Queen of hell, and Winchester bullheadedness can do the same. Dean likes to think that Cas would appreciate the fact that they’re making it up as they go along).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean drops to his knees and checks under the bed, rips the covers and pillows off, pulls books from the shelf in a desperate attempt to see if Cas used any of his feathers as bookmarks (he doesn’t but half the books Dean looks through have been annotated to hell and back. He sees his name pop up a couple times in a few romance novels that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>swears </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’s never thought about reading,</span>
  <em>
    <span> no really,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and something so sappy and lovestruck teenager-y hits Dean again and again because, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cas was in love with</span>
  <em>
    <span> him</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all people).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shakes Cas’s copy of “Frankenstein” and partially displaces an old receipt. Out of curiosity, he opens the book to the page the receipt was marking, and see’s highlighted:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>Even broken in spirit as he is, no one can feel more deeply than he does the beauties of nature. The starry sky, the sea, and every sight afforded by these wonderful regions, seems still to have the power of elevating his soul from earth. Such a man has a double existence: he may suffer misery, and be overwhelmed by disappointments; yet, when he has retired into himself, he will be like a celestial spirit that has a halo around him, within whose circle no grief or folly ventures.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean has no idea what the context is, but something about the passage makes his throat tighten. He all but slams the books shut and goes to toss it over his shoulder with the rest when Jack suddenly appears in front of him, causing him to drop the book in surprise.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jack. Don’t do that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t like the way that Jack is looking at him, how Jack can both look like the overgrown toddler he is and like some ancient being far older than he actually is, far older than Dean or the bunker or the Angels for that matter. Jack looks at Dean like he can see right through him but is too innocent and naive to pick up the bruises and rot that make him up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s remarkably similar to how Cas sometimes looks at him (sometimes Dean genuinely hates how much Jack looks like Cas. Other times, he doesn’t have the energy to pretend to hate it).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack holds up a vial of what looks like blood. “Claire’s here. She’s nice, I think — she kinda reminds me of this one meme Cas showed me of Grumpy Cat. She thought that, since Cas used her as a vessel once, some of her DNA might be useful for the spell.” (Okay, yeah, maybe their efforts are less</span>
  <em>
    <span> improv</span>
  </em>
  <span> and more </span>
  <em>
    <span>grasping at straws,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but whatever, they’ve done more with less).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bunker’s starting to fill up — Dean, Sam, Eileen, and Miracle might not take much space on their own, but Dean practically begged (and he’s man enough to admit there was some begging. Again, what-fucking-ever, Cas is worth it. Cas, Dean realizes, is always worth it) for Jack to at least split his time between fixing heaven and helping them. Now that Claire’s here, odds are her friends and Jody aren’t that far behind, and Dean overheard Sam on the phone earlier assuring Garth they could probably easily baby-proof one of the spare bedrooms. Rowena probably won’t be able to leave hell, but he knows she and Jack are collaborating in their efforts to rebuild, and she’s been fairly willing to answer Sam’s texts in a timely manner. It’s slightly claustrophobic, but it's nice, not being alone in this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A part of Dean is happy that so much of his family is in one place. It’s slightly painful, being happy, but hey, his happiness would make Cas happy in turn (and also probably piss off Chuck), so he’s trying to let himself just feel it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nods as Jack casually pockets the blood. He’s tempted to ask Jack to leave (he loves that his family is in one place, but he also isn’t kidding about the claustrophobia), but decides against it. Dean is Cas’s best friend (he isn’t sure how their relationship will change once they get Cas back, because Cas is in love with him and Dean — Dean would be an idiot to love him back, as terrifying as the thought is), and Jack is Cas’s son — the least Dean could do is be there for the kid, even if he is God now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can you, ya know, sense if there’s anything with Cas’s Grace here,” Dean asks, because being there for Jack does not necessarily mean having a chick flick moment with Jack, because Dean is kinda on the verge of either a breakthrough or a breakdown after Cas’s confession, and neither option is very productive at the moment. He can give that therapy crap a try later. “I was thinkin’ about calling Chuck up, see if the bastard happened to have Cas’s feather hanging on his fridge or something.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not that the guy ever bothered to play sentimental dad where Castiel was concerned, but who knows what hidden depths the guy might have. He sure as hell had a surprisingly effective right hook, maybe he was the kind of deadbeat dad that pretended that holding onto his kids’ metaphorical macaroni art from the first grade made up for years of neglect.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack points to Dean’s shoulder, where Cas’s bloody handprint still lays, and says, “Well, there.” Dean turns his shoulder away defensively, gripping the fabric of his shoulder with his own hand, reluctant at the thought of possibly burning the shirt (or whatever the hell they do when they actually attempt this spell). It's… well not </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice,</span>
  </em>
  <span> having the shirt, but there was still something comforting about it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Or, at least, something</span>
  <em>
    <span> final</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it: the handprint either symbolized the permanent shift in his dynamic with Cas going forward, or it meant that Cas was really gone for good, having given himself up for Dean. Wearing it felt like making a promise, to either save Cas or to honor his sacrifice. If sacrificing the shirt meant getting Cas back, Dean says burn the fucking thing. If it doesn’t work...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean didn’t want to think that far ahead, but he would. Just… later. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack shook his head. “No, I mean, there’s some of his Grace in you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>About seven different </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cas In Me </span>
  </em>
  <span>jokes pop into Dean’s head, all extremely inappropriate, but before he can word vomit one out, Jack says, “I can see it, you know. I could always see it, and I’m pretty sure any Angel could as well. It’s nice to see, your profound bond.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean blinks at that, still gripping his shoulder, the memory of another handprint coming to mind. “Son of a bitch marked me when he raised me from hell.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Its half-question, half-statement — the fact that Cas apparently accidentally left a little bit of his Grace in Dean when raising him from perdition is news, or should be news, but at this point, Dean isn’t surprised.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It… glowed, kinda like a nightlight, whenever he touched it,” Jack says, sounding both incredibly young and inconceivably old. Jack puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder, covering the bloody handprint with his own. He moves his fingers to line up with Cas’s and Dean feels his eyes prick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss seeing it,” Jack says, eyes trained on Dean’s shoulder. “...I miss him. I’m really, really </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry-”</span>
  </em>
  <span> his voice breaks, and Dean realizes that Jack has tears in his eyes as well.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack may have the power of a god, but he’s still so young. He still has so much to fix, in heaven and on earth, and pissing off an ancient cosmic entity so soon after getting the job might only end up causing more trouble. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s been trying not to be a dick about it. Maybe, he admits to himself, he could be trying a bit harder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean doesn’t think, just pulls Jack into a hug that’s probably too tight, but neither of them care. He cards a hand through Jack’s hair and says, “We’ll get him back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We might not.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Okay, true enough. But that’s Potential Future Dean’s problem.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean pulls back slightly and looks Jack in the eye. “We aren’t gonna quit on Cas. Not at this point.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack pulls away and reaches down. He picks up the stuffed bee Dean had thrown off the bed. Straightening up, he said, “I think… I think I might be able to pull some strings, get Cas into heaven. If we can’t pull him out of the Empty. You can meet with him there when you finally die.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah well,” Dean says, “I might be dying for a date with the guy, but I’m pretty sure he’ll kick my ass at the altar if I actually die for it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That got a small but genuine smile out of Jack, “Sam’ll be happy, if you guys actually start dating. He said something about having to ‘third wheel’ you guys for twelve years because you wouldn’t admit you liked each other.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A small part of Dean flared up with panic at the thought that he’d been so obvious, that he’d fallen for a guy at all (or celestial wavelength wearing the body of a man), but he shoved the sexuality crisis into the Deal With It Later corner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The smile slid off of Jack’s face. “Dean, I- I can’t keep this from you. He made me promise not to tell you about the deal with the Empty. He only made it to get me back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So much for not having a chick flick moment. Dean sat Jack down on the bed and crouched before him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No one’s blaming you, buddy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been blaming yourself,” Jack pointed out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Either Jack’s been poking around in Dean’s head (which, geez, </span>
  <em>
    <span>invasive much, kid?</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Dean thought), or Dean’s getting shittier and shittier at internalizing things.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Straightening up, Dean clapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Welcome to being a Winchester, kid. Leave your mental health at the door.” Jack chuckled at that, which Dean decided to count as a win. “Look, kid, I’m pulling Cas outta that blank space if I have to grab heaven by the jugular to do it. Metaphorically,” he added hastily at the look on Jack’s face, “still getting used to heaven actually being run by the good guys. Either I get him out, and knock some sense into him for making such a dumb deal — him, not you. He made his choice, Jack, you didn’t force him to do anything — or you get him out and I’ll knock some sense into him when I’m old and wrinkly and die of heart failure. Capiche?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jack nodded hesitantly. “You know you didn’t force him either, right, Dean? Nobody, not even Chuck, forced Cas to fall in love with you or make the choices he made in the end.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Breakdown or breakthrough,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dean thinks. Into the Deal With It Later corner. (Cas better be prepared to deal with the major mess when Dean finally gets around to the Deal With It Later corner).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, Dean forces himself to swallow down the lump in his throat and nods back. “That’s Cas for ya, free will to nth degree. That only choice he ain’t getting here is whether he stays in the Empty. Come on,” Dean stands and pulls Jack up with him. “Help me find a feather or somethin’ for the spell, ‘less you think we’re ready to go.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we’ll be fine, since we have your bond to work with, but…,” Jack tilted his head in a very Cas like fashion, but Dean didn’t mind. He understood what Jack meant earlier about seeing Cas’s Grace in Dean. Even if the guy wasn’t there at the moment (even if he’s never there again), it's nice, seeing these little reminders that proved he once was there. “Don’t you think we should fix his room? I mean, I know he’ll probably want to move into yours-” and that made Dean choke on his spit, because, yeah, he had indulged himself in the thought of waking up next to Cas more than once, but the thought that it might be reality soon really caught him off guard (maybe every thought of the future didn’t need to be shelved) “-but it’ll be easier to pack up if everything’s in order.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shook his head. “Nah, if you think we’re good to go, we’re going. We’ve kept each other waiting long enough. Let’s get our Angel back.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Dean led Jack out of Cas’s room, he looked over his shoulder and took in the disarray. The staleness was definitely gone now, and Dean found himself actually looking forward to picking everything up and actually looking through it all later, getting to know Cas through his books and belongings.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He let himself hope that Cas would be there helping him pick it all up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Dean closed the door, he realized that Jack was still holding the stuffed bee. He let himself smile at the sight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For the curious, no I don't know the context of the Frankenstein quote. I just googled quotes since the song references Frankenstein, and picked one that seemed relevant.</p>
<p>tumblr: sunshine-zenith</p></blockquote></div></div>
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